Tag: self-improvement

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What is Equanimity? And Why Should I Care?

What is Equanimity?

Equanimity is a practice, most often discussed in Buddhist and Sufi traditions. Equanimity is the base for wisdom and freedom and for compassion and love. Few individuals are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions that differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most individuals are even incapable of forming such opinions.

Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the bad luck of other people.

Merriam-Webster defines equanimity as an evenness of mind under stress – a habit of mind that’s rarely disturbed under great strain; a controlling of emotional or mental agitation through will and habit; a steadiness when facing strain.

What does equanimity look like?

Equanimity is the capacity to stay neutral, to observe from a distance, and be at peace without getting caught up in what we observe. It is the capacity to see the big picture with understanding and without reacting, for instance, to another’s words, ideology, perspective, position, premise, or philosophy. Essentially, we take nothing personally; refuse to be caught up in the drama our own or other peoples.

Equanimity allows us to “stand in the midst,” of conflict or crisis in a way where we are balanced, grounded and centered. Equanimity has the qualities of inner peace, well be-ing, vitality, strength, and steadfastness. Equanimity allows us to remain upright in the face of the strong winds of conflict and crisis, such as: blame, failure, pain, or disrepute – the winds that set us up for suffering when they begin to blow. Equanimity protects us from being “blown over” and helps us stay on an “even keel.”

How do we develop equanimity?

There are numerous mind/body qualities that support the development of equanimity. One is integrity. Do-ing and be-ing in integrity supports our feeling confident when we speak and act. Being in integrity fosters an equanimity that results in “blamelessness,” feeling comfortable in any setting or with any group without the need to find fault or blame. Another quality that supports equanimity is faith (not necessarily a religious or theological faith) – a faith based on wisdom, conviction or confidence. This type of faith allows us to meet challenge, crisis or conflict head on with confidence, with equanimity. A third quality is that of a well-developed mind a mind that reflects stability, balance and strength. We develop such a mind through a conscious and consistent practice of focus, concentration, attention and mindfulness. A well-developed, calm mind keeps us from being blown about by winds of conflict and crisis.

A quality that supports equanimity is seeing reality for what it is, for instance, that change and impermanence are an unpleasant fact. We become detached and less clingy to our attachments. This means letting go of negative judgments about our experience and replacing them with an attitude of loving kindness or acceptance and a compassionate matter-of-factness. The more we become detached, the deeper we experience equanimity.

The final quality is letting go of our need to be reactive so we can witness, watch and observe without needing to get caught up in the fray, the winds – maintaining a consistent relaxed state within our body as sensations move through.

Equanimity, thus, has two aspects: the power of reflection and an inner balance, both of which support one to be mindful, awake, aware and conscious. The greater the degree we are mindful, the greater our capacity for equanimity. The greater our equanimity, the greater our ability to remain steady and balanced as we navigate through the rough waters and gusty winds of change, challenge and conflict.

What happens when we are out of balance lacking equanimity?

In our everyday physical world, when we lose our balance, we fall. In our emotional world, we stuff our feelings and emotions, deny them or contract around them. Or we identify with a particular thought, feeling or emotion, hold on to it rather than allow it to flow through us or pass like a cloud in the sky. The middle ground is equanimity – the state of non-interference.

Equanimity allows for a deeper, more fulfilling experience.

As we develop our capacity for equanimity, we can begin to notice when we drop into a “state of equanimity.” Being aware of our experience, we can explore the state and this practice will lead to more frequent and deeper states of equanimity. What we find with such practice is that people, events, and circumstances that once caused us to be reactive no longer have any “charge” and we are more and more able to let go and feel less “bothered.” We suffer less.

You Can Fix That

You Need to Let Go of Yourself to Become the Best Version of Yourself

Why You Need to Let Go of Yourself to Become the Best Version of Yourself

What is the thing that is most holding you back from being the best version of you?

You might be tempted to say something along the lines of ‘time’, ‘energy’, ‘money’ or ‘opportunity’. Perhaps you feel limited by other people?

I have a hunch, which is that a big part of what’s holding you back is your own sense of self. In other words: you might well be limited by your attachment to the ‘old you’ and by your eagerness to be seen as consistent and reliable.

Why Consistency is Over-Rated

We all have an attachment to who we think we are. We all have a notion of ourselves and of who others think we are as well. For example: you may see yourself as someone lighthearted who is never serious. Or perhaps you see yourself as being a local at heart, who supports the local sports team and who would never leave home.

We like the sense of continuity that this brings and other people like the fact that they know where they stand with us.

We don’t want to do something that is ‘out of character’ and we don’t want to go back on things we’ve said.

But is this really something you should cling to? Maybe your concept of ‘you’ is outdated?

Adaptability is Key

If the dinosaurs taught us one thing, it is that adaptability is the most important trait when it comes to surviving and thriving. If you can’t adapt, then the world will change around you and you will become an anachronism.

With that in mind, what benefit is there for you to actively refuse to adapt and grow?

Have you ever told someone the way you felt and then changed your mind… only to then feel that you can’t go back on what you said?

Have you ever wanted to dress differently, or take a sudden serious tone, but felt enormous pressure from people’s expectations of you?

This is a prison. And the irony is that it is a lie: the truest version of ‘you’ is simply the ‘you’ that you naturally want to be. The best way to be ‘you’ is to drop all expectations and simply act in the moment based on your emotions and your feelings.

And remember: biologically, there is no continuity. The person you are now is biologically completely different from the person you were even 10 years ago. Accept it and move on.

Interesting

Take Charge of Your Life – Top Tricks for Killing Procrastination

Top Tricks for Killing Procrastination

Procrastination is something that can ruin your day, damage your career and negatively impact on your relationships.

Often, we laugh about procrastination as though it were an amusing habit and sometimes it can be. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t also incredibly destructive. Imagine it’s 4pm and you have work you desperately need to finish by 5pm but you can’t stop browsing Facebook or making trips to the kitchen for cups of coffee.

What happens? One option is that you end up going home very late and lose out on time with your family. Another option is that you end up not finishing the work and starting the next day incredibly behind.

Either way, this is a serious problem.

So, what can you do about it? Here are a few tricks that can help.

Start the Most Enjoyable Task First

One effective way to reduce your proneness to procrastination is to take on the easiest/most enjoyable task first. Our natural inclination is very often to handle the most difficult task first and to that way get it out of the way.

But if you’re struggling with motivation, then this is going to be a big up-hill struggle to get yourself to commit.

Instead, if the first task is something easier and more fun, then you’ll find you can work more easily without being distracted. And once you’ve done that, you should be in a slightly more work-oriented frame of mind.

Make it More Interesting

Procrastination often comes from one simple fact: the job you should be doing is boring. Hence you would rather be doing something else.

One simple solution is to make said task more enjoyable or interesting. This might mean turning letter stuffing into a game. Or it might mean providing yourself with a little stimulation: I will often write articles while watching videos on silent just to ensure that I have a bit of stimulation.

If you’re writing, then try to make the topic more interesting so that you’ll be less likely to be bored. If you’re bored writing it, then it’s probably not going to be great to read!

Increase Energy

Finally, note that we are much more prone to procrastination when we’re tired. Why? Because will-power requires energy. When you take that energy away, it becomes much easier to be distracted or interested with other things. Give yourself more energy by sleeping better, by eating supplements that boost energy levels and by avoiding stressful events wherever possible.

Interesting, You Can Fix That

Top Hypnosis Expert Reveals How to Remove the Fear of Clowns (and avoid Embarrassment!)

,Just in time for Halloween Stephen King’s film IT (#IT) is set to open on September 8th.  We can be sure that Throughout the U.S. there be a resurgence of  Scary Clowns invading communities and terrorizing people.  In the past, these reports included attempts by some to lure children into the woods.  The Scary clowns have people afraid, police and sheriff’s departments scrambling, and reports of physical attacks on innocent pedestrians.

Every year, about this time, I receive a few phone calls from people with a special fear.  The technical term is Coulrophobia – The Fear of Clowns!  This fear seems to haunt more people in Gen-Y and Gen-X than prior groups and there appears to be some strong indicators as to why this is.

The boomer generation grew up with clowns such as Bozo and Clarabel during the 1950’s and 60’s.  These clowns were associated with fun, laughter and cartoons, the pacifier of the generation.   That, however changed dramatically in the early 70’s with the infamous – Killer Clown – John Wayne Gacy (Pogo the Clown).

Originally, clowns were more an adult entertainment going back to the “court-jesters” or “fools”.    Beginning in the late 18th and 19th centuries, the appearance of clowns began to shift and the first appearances of the painted white face and exaggerated expression (makeup) entered the scene.   These exaggerated expressions, which hide true, and recognizable facial features are in large part the reason for the fear.

Olivia Goldhill, former features writer for The Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/halloween/11194653/Why-are-we-so-scared-of-clowns.html) sums up the reaction of many in regards to clowns:

“The more you stare at a clown’s perpetually smiling face, the more it warps into something more sinister.

Clowns are supposedly figures of innocent fun – brightly colored jesters to entertain our children and slip on banana skins in exaggerated displays of slapstick comedy.

But the manic joy, the mask of make-up and the excessive familiarity are just a hair’s breadth away from terror.”

It is the grotesque, unnatural appearance of the human face and body, which triggers the fight/flight/freeze mechanism deep within our brains.  We get a sense of unease which is often amplified by the clown character acting in ways that would otherwise be socially unacceptable.  It is this very sense of discomfort and unease that authors such as Stephen King and director Stephen Spielberg tap into in the film IT  with the character PennyWise, or the character Twisty the clown in American Horror Freak Show, or the Joker in Batman.  In each of these, the clown embodies evil. The fear that often develops in young children who are sensitive to this odd, unfamiliar face (exaggerated features and hair) in a familiar body.  Historically, the actual people who have played clowns are themselves, sad, tragic, and often times sadistic people.

Children are taught, from the earliest ages, to avoid strangers.  It’s common for children to think that “bad strangers” look scary, like the villains in cartoons.  This is a natural growth that results from both the experience of seeing scary scenes, and creating them within their own minds.  This taught response, along with the stories reported in the news and social media have heightened the concerns and level of angst parents and communities are having.  Schools are reinforcing the warnings, especially among younger children.

While a small percentage of the U.S. population would actually be classified as coulrophoic (having the fear of clowns), they nonetheless do exist.  It is particularly difficult for these people during the Halloween season, when there is a greater number of people dressing up as clowns, and is further amplified by constant and increasing number of reports.

Fears or phobias are generally the result of unresolved processing of a traumatic experience.  Through hypnosis, the person suffering from the fear often plays a self-reinforcing, though unhealthy, mental loop that confirms the feeling.  I have helped a significant number of clients remove a host of fears and phobias that have previously paralyzed them.  Hypnosis is a powerful and useful tool in helping people overcome fears and phobias by helping them address and resolve the originating event that is the basis of their behavior.  Clients are then able to enjoy life.

Whether you fear clowns, heights, bridges, snakes or spiders, isn’t it time you made a positive change in your life with hypnosis?  STOP being controlled by your fear!  START living life free of anxiety.  I can help you with hypnosis.  SEE how!  Contact me at – info@hypnomarc.com or visit my websited – www.hypnomarc.com to request more information and to schedule your appointment – RIGHT NOW!

 

Marc Marshall, CH CHMI, is a certified consulting and stage hypnotist, author and motivational speaker with offices in Summit, NJ and Shaftsbury, VT.  He has helped people make dramatic improvements in their lives through his pain management, smoking cessation, weight loss, reducing stress and anxiety, and resolving fears and phobias programs.  Learn more today.