Stress Kills Relationships

Stress Kills Relationships

I just finished a recent appearance on Refinery29’s Sexcess.   The following night, I attended a Manhattan by Sail cruise held by an event planning group.  While many were fascinated by the fact that I am a Hypnotist, I received the same questions from the R29 audience and staff, and many on the cruise; “Can hypnosis can help me have a better, more intimate, relationship with my partner?”

Before I answer this question, let me point out an observation that I have made as it relates to young professionals that I encounter in my practice and while performing.  Many of those I meet, tell me of their focus on career, the stress it brings and the long hours they spend, both in and out of the workplace.  We frequently find perks in the millennial workplace that includes open workspaces, flex hours, health clubs, cafeterias where you can get any type of food, massages, yoga, you name it is there.   These great perks tend to keep us in or connected to our work environments for longer periods.   Then add the online video conferencing from home, tablets and mobile devices, and we find there is little to no personal time to focus and develop our relationships.

The pace of the modern workplace is frenetic.  It sucks up mental, physical and emotional energies.  The people that I spoke to about their relationship issues, to a person, shared the same thing.  When they are with their partner they are often distracted. They are thinking about what they could have done, should have done, need to do, going to do, want to do – BUT not about what they are doing!  As a result, they are going through the motions of a relationship and not enjoying it.

So, how can hypnosis help you to have a better, more intimate relationship with your partner?  The first thing that I do with every client that comes to see me, regardless of the issue, is to teach them mindfulness meditation; how to stay in the present.   Most people are focusing on the past or future.  Those than focus on the past tend to be more depressed.  We can never change the past, just like we cannot un-ring a bell.  Similarly, those that tend to focus on the future are projecting and speculating on events that may never come to pass.   The result for those is anxiety and a waste of energy.  Many fear outcomes that never come to pass.

Second, through hypnosis, I help clients re-write the subconscious, emotional scripts, that we tend to play over and over.  I empower clients to get beyond past, less than positive, experiences.  Whether that experience is a trauma, issues with their family of origin, or looping in destructive relationships,  I help them learn to feel positive, focused and energized about themselves.

Give me a call to find out how you can move forward and have more intimacy, better relationships, and feel more positive.  The call is free and it will change your life.   Want to see the entire R29 show – Click this link.  https://www.facebook.com/refinery29/videos/10154491448302922/

What’s holding you back?

Imagine, create a picture in your mind’s eye of, how much better your life would be if you weren’t focused on things that were out of your control.  Now, I probably am shooting myself in the foot by sharing this, but the majority of people who seek my services to improve their lives are either focused on the past or the future.

Too often, we tend to trap ourselves with our own, self-destructive behaviors.  These are behaviors that in some way, our subconscious minds have associated with a reward of some type, but which create challenges for us.  The simple thinking here is that change does not occur until the pain of staying the same is more than the pain of changing.   In large part this is true.  It is the pain of behaviors, fears that paralyze, overeating, smoking, fear of future events, or repetitive / obsessive behaviors that stop us from reaching our potential.

There are two powerful tools that I share – mindfulness meditation and hypnosis.  The mindfulness trains us to focus on the moment.  When this becomes an integral part of our thinking and life, we no longer obsess about the past or worry about the future.  We learn that it is in this moment that we have the ability to make dramatic and lasting changes in our lives.  Changes that propel us into enjoying life, perhaps for the first time.

When mindfulness is combined with the power of hypnosis, the power of subconscious suggestion, we open the path way to change.  Here, I work with you to replace the negative associations that have developed and result in destructive behaviors, with positive and rational understanding.  An example of this retraining and new understanding came about from some work I did with a client who had a fear of spiders.  Through our journey together, the client revealed an experience that they had as a young child.  The child had been forced to touch a large spider during a demonstration at a pre-school.  The “young” client didn’t have the tools to express their discomfort and instead internalized and focused on the experience for more than 30 years.  During our session’s work, the client was able to revisit the initial traumatizing event and using their adult skills, able to address it and become more comfortable.  Further desensitization visualization and ultimately physical exercises allowed the client to move on past and no longer fear spiders.

So, I repeat the question – What’s holding you back?  Is it self-doubt, fear of failure, fear of losing face, the paralysis that comes with needing to be perfect?  Let’s work together and allow me to teach you the tools to improve all aspects of your life through hypnosis and mindfulness mediation.

Setting Goals / Meeting Challenges

This has been a busy, but highly rewarding week.  This week, I have met two very significant challenges presented to me by my mentor and made possible through my practice of motivational hypnosis.  I don’t share this to brag or blow my own horn, but rather I share it with the belief that someone else will find a spark within themselves to accomplish something different in their lives.

Many of those who come to me for personal improvement work through hypnosis find themselves stuck.  They have a closed mindset that keeps them mired in the past or paralyzed for fear of the future.  They lack confidence and a vision.  Regardless of whatever a client comes to me for assistance with, the first thing that I teach them is a simple mindfulness meditation exercise, which I ask them to commit to for a short period every day for a month.  It is not like I am asking them to devote hours each day.  Rather, the entire process is less than 15 minutes daily and the benefits lifelong.

Through the mindfulness practice, my clients gain important health benefits of stress reduction, lowered blood pressure, and relaxation.  Equally beneficial, is the results they obtain in making significant and positive changes in their lives.  It is in those few minutes every day, that those clients who adopt the practice are able to step back from the insanity of daily living and gain the clarity necessary to focus on goal setting and attainment.  The fact is, those clients who take up mindfulness meditation are the ones who develop the habits that result in rapid and lasting changes for the things they were looking to change through our hypnosis sessions.  When clients are mindful about their food, they eat better and meet weight loss goals.  When clients are mindful of being non-smokers, they achieve those lifelong benefits.  And, the list goes on.

As we approach the weekend, it is a good time to reflect on the week.  Did you have any goals for the best week that you were working towards?  Did you make progress on those goals?  Can you visualize and imagine how good you will feel as you accomplish those goals?  If, the answer to these three questions is not YES, then I challenge you to set a simple goal that you can accomplish in the next week or so.  Then I challenge you to focus on a longer term goal.  And if this is something that you struggle with, I invite you to text me by sending the word MOTIVATE TO 44222 and let me help you begin the process of motivating yourself and becoming the person you know you can be.  It is really a simple process, if you want to see real results and positive change.

Change Your Thoughts

I’m sure that most of us have heard this quote from Mahatma Gandhi

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”

During my time as a high school teacher in an alternative high school environment,  I had the challenge of changing the way my students viewed themselves, their abilities to achieve their goals, and move their lives from that of chaos and confusion to a more orderly and sane life.  As part of the work that I did with them, I developed some exercises and lessons based on Sean Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.  Those habits – “1) Be Proactive, 2) Begin with the End in Mind, 3) Put First Things First, 4) Think Win-Win, 5) Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood, 6) Synergize, and 7) Sharpen the Saw” – were completely foreign concepts to them, as to many adults I encounter. 

You are probably asking yourself what any of this has to do with hypnosis?   I promise that I will tell you in a moment.  Along my journey to perfect my skills as a hypnotist, I came to fully understand the power of language in shaping our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.  In simple terms, picture your mind as an iceberg.  The part that you see above the water, about 10% is our conscious mind.  The conscious mind is the rational mind that judges the information we are receiving and deciding whether it is true or false, whether we should believe it or not. This is where our short-term memory resides.   The other 90% of our mind, the subconscious mind, is like a hard-drive that is switched on at (or before birth) and records everything that goes on around us.  It notes every experience and feeling.  It regulates our body functions, and does not require us to be aware of its functioning.  This is the emotional mind.  Our behaviors are controlled by our subconscious mind.  This is important since our subconscious mind, that part of our mind that makes up 90%, relates all behaviors to emotions.  As a hypnotist, I work with language to help my clients reach their maximum potential by replacing negative emotions and behaviors with positive habits.   These changes bring about dramatic impacts in the lives my clients who are dealing with things such as anxiety, stress, pain, fear, inability to stop smoking, or lose weight, or want to perform better in work or sports.

It is our focus that becomes our reality.  If we are focused on negative outcomes, we surely will miss the positive opportunities.   I had a sign in my classroom that read: “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE – THERE IS ONLY FEEDBACK!”  That does not mean that students did not earn D’s or F’s, but rather the grades they earned gave them feedback about what they needed to do to improve their performance.  Did they need to study?  Did they need to come to class?  Did they need to spend time with me asking questions on things they did not understand?  That was their job and my expectation.

A friend of mine, Colin T. Fisher, who is also a Master Hypnotist and Law of Attraction Coach from the UK (www.TheRealLawOfAttraction.com), shared with me his book – Dreams into Reality.  The book consists of a series of 12 poems that take you on a journey of self-discovery and reinforces what I have demonstrated to clients, the incredible power of their minds to achieve anything they focus on.  As a hypnotist, I work with you to create positive feelings that replace the negative ones that hold you back. 

Begin focusing on the positive, today.  Do what I teach all my clients to do, begin with a simple practice of mindfulness meditation and see how your life will improve.  Here’s a link to my simple guided mindfulness meditation recording that has helped my students, my friends and my clients.  

Mindfulness Meditation Practice - Week 1